I have seen a vision of things to come and hold onto your pigtails folks, 'cause we ain't in Kansas no more. (Oops, I mean we won't be.) My temporal exactometer has gone on the blink, so I'm afraid I can't give you a precise date - damn Chinese imports! - but at some point hence, the global zombie apocalypse does indeed hit and it is everything you might have imagined.
Society as we know it breaks down, buildings turn to ruins and the streets become arteries of anarchy and destruction as the rule of law falls by the wayside. The old, the fat and the disabled are first to be devoured. (That was a bitter pill to swallow, let me tell you.)
The survivors flee urban areas, which have become epicentres of death and misery, to seek refuge in what little undeveloped wilderness remains.
For a time, the remnants of humanity live on in relative peace, but then something rather odd begins to happen. A small, but vocal minority rises up, espousing some deeply unsettling views. They brand those who guard village borders against marauding zombie hordes as brutal thugs whose only purpose is to defend and uphold the "humantriarchy" They assert that certain villagers should willingly sacrifice their brains for consumption, in atonement for a transgression called "grey matter privilege", which, inexplicably, some do.
Most astoundingly, the Zombie Justice Warriors, as they've become known, claim that after intensive scientific study, they've discovered that zombies have evolved a gender spectrum and in an effort to respect their individuality, the awestruck researchers coin the pronouns "Zee", "Zim" and "Zer". Now rather zealous in their beliefs, the ZJW's label anyone who refuses to respect these pronouns bigots and zomsogynists. At this stage of my odyssey through time,I began to feel my sanity crack and splinter, so I returned swiftly to the here-and-now, praying all the while that my earthly demise would occur before the arrival of this event horizon.
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