I am a wordsmith and if you believe my friends (which would be foolhardy, since they're a brood of incorrigible ne'er-do-wells) I am also reflexively sarcastic. As such, I appreciate a well-honed insult. It saddens me deeply that the most common salvos discharged in dialectic duels these days are neither clever nor eloquent.
Therefore, I felt duty-bound to create a brief list of options for your amusement and should you choose, personal use:
- Leave this vicinity at once, you detestable coagulum of radioactive weasel-fat!
- May your ears be stuffed with horseradish and your severed nose used as a ceremonial amulet!
- It is my sincerest wish that a swarm of gastrically unsettled octopi eternally exudes flatulence in your general direction!
- Much like the cold void of space, being in your presence is to endure a remorseless and indiscriminate vacuum.
- You possess the mental dexterity of an unfertilised parsnip.
- To engage you in a battle of wits would be akin to discussing the socio-economic climate of Albania with a neutered bullfrog.
- You remain alive only because I lack the enthusiasm necessary to repurpose your skin as a windsock!
- I implore you to seek amorous interaction with an underfed wolverine!
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